The manufacturer of a new breakfast cereal called Cardio Morning Flakes made of the artificial food colorings Scarlet 4, Aquamarine 8Z, and Puce 62, and corn syrup, hydrodexitrine monosyllablate, sugar concentrate, salt, more sugar, saturated fats, whey, and one whole grain per box, claims that consuming the product dramatically reduces the risk of heart disease.
“Cardio Flakes is 50% heavier than other cereals, so when consumers lift the box and spoon the product into their mouths, they are effectively lifting weights,” said Marshal Truthing, Vice President, Marketing, Too Good To Be True Breakfast Foods, Inc., Gosling, TN.
A study commissioned by the company from the Institute of Really Reliable Research, Genuineville, KY, showed that a significant number of people with heart disease in a large room felt a lot better after eating Cardio Morning Flakes.
The extra weight of the cereal comes from its chemical formulation and the extra thickness of the cardboard packaging. Reports that the packaging has to be thick in order to withstand the corrosiveness of the contents were denied by the company.
“This is the first wholesome breakfast cereal that gives consumers a workout while eating. We recommend that people eat as much as they can every morning, and lift the box with both hands at least three times to really get their hearts pumping,” said Truthing.