A Cell That Driver Texters Won’t Like

Young people who text while driving are a menace to themselves and others. Here’s a punishment that might actually deter them.

It’s not for the squeamish, and it will no doubt be lambasted by human rights groups and child shrinks for being too harsh. But the punishment not only fits the crime – it’s a win-win for everyone involved.

Confine offenders to an Amtrak Quiet Car.

Yes, it’s severe, some would say even brutal, but the idea deserves a fair trial.

In these rail cars people are not allowed to talk on their cell phones, and all conversations must be carried out quietly “in a library-like atmosphere.”

The stuff of nightmares for young people.

The length of confinement would match the seriousness of the crime and the miscreant’s age. At the low end of the scale a kid might be forced to occupy the Quiet Car from Washington DC to Boston, a journey of about seven hours. More serious offences would be sentenced to longer trips; how about sitting in the Quiet Car for the 24-hour trip between Philadelphia and Miami?

Tough love indeed.

But that’s not all. The offenders would also have to pay the fare. This makes the punishment even harsher while earning extra revenue for cash-strapped Amtrak.

Will the experience leave these kids physiologically scarred? Maybe, but the accidents caused by texting while behind the wheel can be a lot worse.

We could also force offenders to eat Amtrak bagels, but that’s probably going too far.

FOOD REVIEW: Plunder Your Taste Buds With Viking Vittles

Never eaten Danish? Think again!

Wild about herring. Danish cuisine at its dubious best

From DQMNews  Food Critic Di Gest

Nestled between a tattoo parlor and a nail salon The Hungry Herring restaurant would be easy to miss were it not for the giant herring that hangs above its front window.

If the incredible stuffed fish could talk (more of that later) it would be shouting: “The best Danish cuisine in the world is right here!”

On entering I was shown to my table by co-owner Olga Nielsen. She opened the restaurant with Chef Olaf Petersen five years ago.

“Danish food is much more than pastries,” she said, her smile beaming from beneath the Viking helmet perched atop her thick blonde pigtails.

To prepare my palate for the Danish invasion it was about to experience, I ordered a bottle of Herring Vitamin Water. The water comes from the Hendersen Glacier in Denmark, and the addition of herring bone marrow gives it a kick that wakes up your taste buds with a bang! Katrine opened the bottle with her thumb nail and poured a generous measure of the muddy brown liquid.

The menu was so full of curiosities that it took me a while to decide what to order. Eventually I opted to start with herring wings; spicy clumps of herring meat deep fried in herring oil. As a main course I could not resist the house special: herring dumplings drenched in herring sauce on a bed of sautéed herring scales. A side order of herring eyes seemed to wink at me in appreciation! I’m a sucker for cake, so the herring cheesecake laced with herring brandy was a natural choice for dessert. And to top off my choices I ordered a bottle of Herring Merlot wine. The green-reddish wine has a deep fishy fragrance that transports the senses to the ancient breeding grounds of the wild herring.

While I waited for the food to arrive, I was serenaded by Kaspar, a musician who wanders from table to table playing traditional Danish folk songs on a herring. I never realized that so many tunes could be played on a dead fish!

The food was everything I expected and more. Copious quantities of Herring Vitamin Water were needed to douse the fire started by the herring wings. My palate had just recovered when it was assaulted by the herring dumplings; large, dome-shaped dollops of herring vital organs pulverized by Katrine’s skillet-sized fists into a gel. Delicious! I had to pause after finishing the main course, and must confess finished most of the full-bodied merlot during this brief interlude! The herring cheesecake was a perfect finale to my meal. The consistency and color of lard, this delicacy is almost beyond description. The rows of herring bone that decorate the outer layer of the cake clean your teeth as you eat.

As I digested my meal Olga and Chef Olaf joined me to tell the story behind the giant stuffed herring that adorns their restaurant front window. Called Moby Dirk, the fish is reputedly the largest herring ever caught.

Everything is larger than life at The Hungry Herring – except the bill!

Airline Breakfast Muffin Reveals Secret of Egyptian Mummies

mummy

Food not to die for. Ingredient in airline muffin was used by ancient Egyptians to preserve dead monarchs

When Dr. India Jones discovered a 20-year-old breakfast muffin in the folds of her airline seat, she never thought it would solve one of archeology’s most enduring mysteries: how the embalmers of ancient Egypt preserved the bodies of the pharaohs for centuries.

“Although the muffin had passed its sell-by date 20 years previous, it was still in pristine condition,” said India, who is Professor of Archeology at the University of Mojave Desert, CA. “It had probably been jammed between the seats since the aircraft’s first flight.”

Back in the lab she discovered that the artificial favoring Midnight Blue 208 that gives the muffin its blueberry taste had preserved the pastry. “It was still as rubbery and hard to digest as if it had been served yesterday,” she said.

The Egyptians used an almost identical chemical in their embalming fluid. “But they extracted it from the ear wax of camels,” explained Professor Jones.

After her analysis is complete the muffin will be transferred to the Smithsonian where it will go on display with mummified food items from various airlines.

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